When we went back to the States six months ago, for a visit and doctor appointments, I realized something very important: Liam doesn't know how to listen. Like, really doesn't know how to listen.
Part of this, I think, has to do with his extreme stubbornness (I have no idea where he gets it from), and part of it probably has to do with the fact that he never really learned how to listen. I remember reading an article awhile back that said it often takes kids with mobility issues longer to learn what the word "no" means, which makes total sense if you think about it. From the moment babies start crawling, they hear the word "no." Constantly. Because Liam was 18 months old by the time he started army crawling, and because our house was set up for him perfectly, I never really had to tell him no. Seriously, I think he was almost two years old by the time he heard the word.
I also think the fact that I am with him 24/7, and know what he needs before he even asks, played into it. One time Liam's developmental therapist asked me: "what does Liam do if you don't know what he wants/needs?" I thought about it for a minute and was at a loss: "Ummm, I don't know. That's never really happened before."
When we got back to Kuwait, I knew something needed to be done, so "Operation Time Out" was put into full effect. The problem? Time Outs don't really work for Liam, something I realized rather quickly. He would do his (3 minute) time no problem, but would then continue not listening, which landed him in time out constantly. Time outs definitely weren't helping, and they were making my life miserable.
I also tried slapping his hand, but only when he did something that could hurt him (i.e. his obsession with a power strip, which he somehow always managed to get at no matter how many times I blocked or hid it). The problem? After I would gently slap his hand (okay, so it was really more of a tap), he would look at me, slap his other hand even harder, and yell: "no, no." Apparently, Liam is better at disciplining himself than I am.
So what does works for us? This nifty, little reward chart:
I can't tell you how instrumental it has been in helping Liam learn how to listen. I was sort of at a loss after the time outs didn't work, and realized I needed to think like a teacher. What would I do if I had a classroom full of preschoolers or kindergartners who were having trouble listening and following directions? I'd get a chart with stars, of course! And it has worked perfectly. I can't figure out which Liam enjoys more: getting a star every time he does one of his "big boy chores," or getting to pick out something from the toy chest (i.e. a bin filled with bath toys, books, and puzzles), after he accumulates a certain number of stars. His latest reward -- Rub a Dub tub stickers -- was a big hit:
I also make it a point now to put Liam in charge of things like bringing me his cup when he wants a drink, putting his shoes away, and other little things of that nature. And he LOVES helping me put away groceries. For awhile, I think, we were so stuck in our daily routine that making him do these things never even occurred to me. Not to mention, it's usually just easier to do it myself. Even though sometimes I hate not doing things for him, because obviously when your main mode of transportation is crawling or scooting on your butt, carrying things can be a little more difficult, I know it's good for him. And I KNOW learning to do things for himself will benefit him in the long run.
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