Love: Then and Now

All week long I've been trying to think of things that I used to love. I'm drawing a blank. 

Okay, so I'm not drawing a total blank. Maybe oreos and Subway cookies and large pizzas all to myself keep coming to mind. But I can't possibly write about how much I used to love food. I can't. I won't! I'm going to save the last shred of dignity I have left, and not talk in depth about how much I used to love moonpies.

But since I can't quite remember anything substantial that I used to love, here are some things that I love right now:

I love that at least once a day, Liam leans into me and says, "I love you, Mommy. You're my best friend."

I love that as soon as he hears his Daddy's car in the parking lot, Liam starts crawling for the front door, yelling "Daaaaddddyyyy!" 

I love watching Liam crawl up to the couch, pull himself to stand, and then take a couple of small steps towards the couch -- something he couldn't do six months ago.

I love Liam's misuse of pronouns. I love that when he wants to be held, he puts his arms out and says "hold you again." And when he wants to play, he says "come play with you." I haven't yet figured out if this is just bad grammar or a very effective manipulation technique, but either way it works. 

I love that every night when we climb into bed to read a bedtime story, Liam says "I'd really like to cuddle, please."

I love that in the middle of the night, he'll sometimes wake up and say "no take nap." Okay, so when I'm exhausted or trying to get stuff done, I don't exactly love this little habit of his, but sometimes it is surprisingly adorable.

I love the way Liam says "awww, he is so cute," anytime he sees an animal on t.v.

I love watching him do push-ups with his Daddy. 

I love when Liam does something funny, and, out of the corner of my eye, I can see his Daddy crack a smile.

I love my perfect, little family.

I'm sure I used to love a lot of things. Before Liam. Before my husband. But I can't seem to remember any of them.

This has been a Finish The Sentence Friday post. Today's sentence is: I used to love... 

Linking up with these fine ladies:
Janine: Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Kate: Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine?
Stephanie: Mommy, for Real
Kristi: Finding Ninee

Five on Friday: Vitamins, Facebook, and Other Random Musings

I've been workin' on something about Liam for the Spina Bifida Association website, so I haven't had time to get a regular post done. But I happened to come across this cool blog hop -- Five on Friday -- recently, and since I can't resist a good list, I figured I'd join in on the fun. So without further ado, here are my five musings of the week:

1. I'm still trying to figure out if these words, uttered by my husband in regards to my recent weight loss, qualify as a compliment: "I felt like I was cheating on my wife for a minute." Ummm... thank you???

2. Does anyone else ever worry that they'll overdose on their (very delicious) gummy vitamins? No? Okay, me neither.

3. The other day I was really irritable. Like, really irritable. Instead of losing my cool (which isn't really my style, but I felt like, at any moment, I could start screaming or crying and never, ever stop), I simply told my husband how I was feeling. His response: "Do you need anything? Want me to go to the store and get you something?" Hmmm. Actually, some chocolate would be great. Chocolate makes everything better. Sometimes you just have to ask for what you need.

4. You might have a problem with a certain social networking site if... Your husband happens to walk behind you (and your laptop) and says: "Of course you're on Facebook. And of course you're on Facebook looking at cats." You might really, really have a problem if your three year old son's new line of questioning includes: "On Skype all day long, Mommy?" And by Skype he means computer. And by computer, I mean Facebook. I might need a 12 step program.

5. Less than two months 'til we head back to the States for a month-long visit, and I can't wait! I spent part of yesterday getting all of our hotels booked. Needless to say, it was a rather expensive day, especially given the fact that my dear husband is a hotel whore. I mean that in the nicest possible way. Don't get me wrong -- I like a nice hotel room, but I have no problem staying at a Hampton Inn, if it's clean, with relatively new bedding, especially if it saves me some cash. My husband will not.

Well, that was fun. And easy. Happy Friday, friends!

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

10 Reasons I Knew My Husband Would Be A Great Dad

Liam Missing Daddy (December 2011)

It's no secret that DeMarko and I weren't exactly dating, at least not seriously, when I found myself pregnant. I had known him for years, yes, but serious we were not. Glennon Melton often says of her marriage: "It was the best decision I never really made." I think that is true for us, too. 

If I'm being totally truthful, though, I had absolutely no clue as to what kind of parent he would be. But over the course of my pregnancy and the two and a half years, after Liam was born, that he was away working in Kuwait, I caught glimpses of the kind of Dad he might be. Here are 10 reasons I knew he'd be a great one:

1. From the moment he found out I was pregnant, he stood by me. Okay, so maybe he spent 30 minutes on that particular phone call taking deep breaths and repeatedly saying "Okay. Okay. Okay," but then he stood by me.

2. Because his first email, after finding out I was pregnant, read: "But what will you do with your crazy cat?"

3. A couple months after he found out I was pregnant, things started arriving at the house: the bassinet I wanted, the baby swing I picked out. And then, after we found out we were having a boy, a teeny-tiny "ladies' man" onesie. 

4. Even though he wanted to be home once Liam was born, he stayed in Kuwait to work, because he knew we needed the money now, more than ever.

5. He cares about things like Tylenol. Okay, so I had to educate him on good and bad timing (i.e. DO NOT send an email with a link about the negative effects of children's Tylenol right after your wife has been up all night with a sick child -- wait a few days). And I've learned to appreciate his "input," by reminding myself that some women would give anything to have their children's fathers care about things like Tylenol. 

6. Because during his first visit home from Kuwait, when Liam was five months old, he climbed into bed, woke me up, and whispered: "Hey. When you first saw him, did you get, like, a tingling in your chest?"

7. When I was uncomfortable leaving my job before Liam was born, he said: "Please, let me pay you for carrying our child. I wouldn't want to do it." 

8. He bought me a Kindle after we received Liam's diagnosis. It was my "this isn't your fault" gift. Husband bonus points: he figured out very quickly that my "love language" is receiving (and giving) gifts.

9. Because when we received Liam's diagnosis, he remained a rock, which allowed me to be a complete basketcase. And he said things like "he's still our son" and "we'll come up with a new plan." 

10. Because I once overheard him telling Liam (before heading out to Kuwait again): "Be good for your Mommy, okay."

 
10 Reasons I Know I Was Right:

1. He's read all about a new, up-and-coming procedure that allows people with hydrocephalus to live without shunts.

2. He's thought about what colleges would be best for Liam, in terms of wheelchair accessibility and competitive sports.

3. Because when Liam and I first moved to Kuwait, I found, like, hundreds of outlet covers that he had bought in preparation of Liam's arrival.

4. He never complains. Well, okay, sometimes he complains, but then I kindly remind him that I gave birth alone and traveled weekly to Chicago with a newborn baby for full, eight hour days of doctor appointments (and multiple surgeries), and then he never complains.

5. He feeds the stray cats that live outside our building. I don't know if this has anything to do with being a good dad -- except for maybe it teaches Liam empathy and compassion -- but he feeds cats, people!

6. He finds the best iPad apps. 

7. He cares about what Liam eats. This used to drive me crazy, until he explained it to me: "I don't get to take credit for anything else he does -- reading, writing, his physical therapy -- because I'm at work all the time. This is the one thing I can do for him." For the record: I also care about what Liam eats -- obviously, it's especially important because of the Spina Bifida -- but I don't see the harm in getting a special treat once a week. We have since come to a compromise: Liam can have treats on special occasions, like holidays and vacations. And you better believe I made sure he got ice cream and a cookie on our most recent trip to Dubai.

8. Because he goes from being a "couch parent" to a "helicopter parent" in 10 seconds flat. FYI: we refer to his remarkable skill of sitting on the couch and asking me questions like "are you sure you're doing that catheter right?" -- even though he still has absolutely no idea how to do Liam's catheters -- as "couch parenting."

9.Because no matter how tired he is after a twelve hour workday, when Liam throws a ball and yells "catch," he catches it. 

10. Because he treats me like the queen that I am, which is, quite possibly, the best thing he could do for his son. 

Happy Father's Day to the best Daddy I know! I couldn't have "chosen" a better Daddy for Liam.

And a shout-out to my friend, Lauren (aka Dad #2), who was my rock while Dad #1 was away working. I don't know how I would've done it without you.

Our Trip To Dubai: Lesson Number Two

In my last post, I mentioned my belief that "family vacations" for moms should really be referred to as "business trips." Here is just one of the many reasons why. 

Let me set the scene for you: it's 4 am in our hotel room in Dubai. DeMarko and I are sleeping on either side of Liam.

Liam (to me): Wake. Wake. Wake.

Me: (pretend to be asleep).

Liam (grabbing my shoulder now, trying to turn me over): Wake. Wake. Wake.

Me: (continue pretending to be asleep, which has worked for about an hour now).

Liam (attempting to climb on me): I climb mountain. I climb mountain. 

Me: Why don't you go climb on Daddy? He's a bigger mountain. 

Liam: No. I climb mountain. I climb mountain.

Me: Okay. Okay. You want some milk and Disney Junior?

*A couple hours later.

Me: Did you hear your son this morning?

Husband: Yeah, I was awake. I heard you jokers all morning.

Me: Ummm, no. If I could hear you snoring, you were NOT awake.

Husband: I see your point.

 
An alarm clock with the ability to physically harass you?! This does not a vacation make. 

When I was a young, single person, my vacations looked like this: wake up, go drink at the pool, take a nap, wake up, get ready, go out all night. Repeat.There may or may not have been photos circulating, at one point, of me passed out in a locked bathroom stall in Las Vegas. And my boss at the time may or may not have had to army crawl under said bathroom door in order to save me from the bowels of the toilet. On our "vacations" now, I can barely keep my eyes open til 8pm.

And do you know that these little "vacations" of ours actually make my job harder? Between the packing and giving Liam extra baths and taking him to the pool (which is real work, people) and out to eat and helping him press the elevator buttons every, single time, and the fact that I'm expected to put on make-up AND change out of my yoga pants for multiple days in a row, I am so exhausted by the time the day is over that my dream of enjoying a few drinks on the balcony with my dear husband is crushed, so I just (very happily) send him down to the bar.

And the worst problem of all: I have to leave our hotel room to get coffee, which requires me to be somewhat functional BEFORE coffee. I know, right?! Almost impossible. I can barely survive the few minutes it takes between the time I wake up and the time my coffee finishes brewing every morning.

I know. I know. I am fully aware that these are "first world problems." I know that the ability to take a vacation (heck, even buy a coffee at Starbucks) is a luxury that cannot be afforded by most people. Trust me: none of this is lost on me, but I wanted to share anyways, because it's funny, and, well, because mothering is hard no matter how (or where) you do it.

Our Trip To Dubai: Lesson Number One

Well, friends, we just got back from Dubai, and somehow I am jet-lagged from a one hour flight. Is that even possible? I don't know, but it sure feels like it. And my dramamine failed miserably, so I was left walking through the airport with a paper bag. Twice.

I just want to share a quick story with you, and then I'll write more about our little vacation later, specifically about my belief that "family vacations" for stay-at-home moms (well, all moms, actually) should really be referred to as "business trips."

Just a little background before I share. My husband often tells me about some of the guys he works with, who make statements like this: "I only date white women" or "I only date Asian women," insinuating (and sometimes outright saying) that black women have too much attitude or that Asian/white women are more docile. Absolutely absurd stereotypes. My husband, who has dated, ahem, A LOT of different types of women, always tells them the same thing: "No, man, that's not true. They're all the same. ALL women are crazy." Of course he's partly joking about the women being crazy part, but, let's face it, he married me and I definitely have a streak of crazy flowing through me.

The night before we left Dubai, we stopped at one of the souvenir shops in the hotel. Upon entering the shop, my husband picked up a bell, started ringing it, and said to the male cashier (who happened to be from Iran): "I should buy this bell for my wife and ring it every time I want a drink."

Cashier: (Smiles and shakes his head).

Me: You can buy that bell, but you'll only get a chance to ring it once.

Husband: (Looks at cashier) It's a good idea, right? I ring and my wife brings me drink."

Cashier: No. No. My wife. She kill me. 

Here is what I know for sure: we are all more alike than we are different.


 
P.s. When we were rehashing the story the next day (i.e. when I was reminding my husband, who was slightly intoxicated the night before, what had happened), he said: "See. What did I tell you? All wives are the same. It doesn't matter where you're from." He then told me about one time watching a guy write "wash me" (in Arabic) on a dirty car in a parking lot, while his wife yelled at him. The wife was impatiently waiting and trying to hurry him along, while the husband was laughing and getting a kick out of himself. Typical.

Psycho

Confession: I was a little nervous about moving in with my husband. Okay, so maybe I was more than just a little nervous. 

My husband and I spent the first two and a half years of our marriage living separately: Liam and I stayed in Charleston in order to get all of his surgeries and doctor appointments taken care of, and my husband stayed in Kuwait for work. If you want to know what the perfect marriage looks like, that was it. Or, at least, it was the perfect marriage for a woman who likes her space, a woman who needs her space. I’ve always been a person who enjoys living alone. I like to be in complete control of my space. Of course, one tends to give up some of that control living with a toddler, but it was still my house. And, the truth is, I was very content with my life in Charleston.

Surprisingly, the transition has been relatively easy. That’s the word we both use to describe our relationship: easy. It just somehow works. Well, except for the three weeks we spent actually packing up and moving to the Middle East. That was almost disastrous. Had it not been for some wise advice from a family member – telling me that moving ranks third behind death and divorce for most traumatic experiences – I don’t know where we’d be. I think it was his use of the word “traumatic” that really drove the message home.

So, except for those three weeks, life has been easy, peaceful in fact. I’m learning how to balance my time between my son and my husband, which has been difficult given the fact that Liam has had my undivided attention since the moment he was born, and he is not giving it up easily. Sometimes I think living apart was actually beneficial to his progress, and my sanity. I had the luxury of devoting every ounce of myself to Liam’s surgeries, therapy, doctor appointments, etc., without having to stress about finding time for my husband. I barely had time for myself, so making time for my spouse would have proven difficult. Phone calls and daily emails kept us connected, though, without feeling like a burden. Thankfully, these days, Liam is slowly but surely becoming more independent.

There is one other problem, however. This:

This piece of “art” is hanging in our Master bathroom. Need I say more? Every time I take a shower now, I have visions of being attacked, which forces me to peek out from the shower curtain every couple of minutes. Even Liam points to her and says “Oooohhhhh!” each time he crawls into the bathroom. Because I’ve essentially taken over the whole rest of the apartment, I haven’t had the heart to take it down. But, when I first moved in, my husband and I did have a conversation about his interesting choice of bathroom art:

       Me: Um, buddy, did you buy this or did the previous tenant leave it?

       Husband: Oh yeah, I bought it!

       Me: So. You thought it was a good idea to buy a poster of the scariest shower scene

       in all of movie history, and hang it in our bathroom!?

       Husband: What? It matches the shower curtain.

Sometimes men just don’t get it.

7 Things You Should Know About Me

1. I am a stay-at-home Mama to the world’s most magical little boy -- a little boy who was born with Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus.

2. My husband and I were married at a drive-thru chapel in Las Vegas. I fall more in love with him every day (well, almost every day). 

3. I am a feminist. 

4. I love any and all things “girly”: sequins, sparkles, make-up, shoes, the color pink.

5. I have a Master’s Degree in Literary Studies, and I am currently working towards getting my TESOL Certification (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages), so that I can start private tutoring from my home. 

6. I love to travel; I am the person I am today because of the time I spent in South Africa. 

7. I am originally from Chicago, became an adult in Charleston IL, and currently live in Kuwait.