Liam and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

If you had asked me three months ago what my bad habits included, I would've answered like this: late-night oreo/moonpie binges and excessive television watching. Because we all know you can't have one without the other, am I right?!

But three months ago I stopped binging. Cold turkey. My nightly snack, which almost always turned into a binge -- trust me, I am not above standing over the stove, roasting marshmallows for a S'more at 2 a. m.  -- turned into a weekly snack. 

Okay, so maybe I'm not being totally honest. I didn't exactly go cold turkey. And I haven't exactly stopped binging completely either; though, my binges are less frequent and now include a can of peas instead of oreos. By the way: that may possibly be the saddest, most pathetic sentence I've ever written. Who binges on peas?! Originally when I cut out my nightly snack, I started substituting it with a bowl of cornflakes. Cause cornflakes are healthy, right?! And that bowl of cornflakes almost immediately turned into a daily 5-bowls of cornflakes binge (of course it did), so then I had to get myself off the cornflakes. Yes, this is my life.

Ya know how they say you don't really give up old habits, you just replace them with new ones? Well... that has definitely been the case over here. I no longer spend my evenings stuffing my face with sugary snacks and zoning out while watching t.v., but I have been spending a lot more time on my computer. This is good and bad: good because it means I've been writing more (which is one of the ways I stay sane), and bad because it means I've been wasting a lot of time on Facebook and Twitter, looking at pictures of cats and reading buzzfeed lists. I've been spending so much time on my laptop that Liam asks me multiple times per day: "what you typin' in google today, mommy girl?" 

After watching Kristen Howerton's brilliant TEDx talk about this very subject, and reading Glennon Melton's most recent blog post -- she happens to be taking a 40 day break from blogging and social media right now -- I realized that I was using my computer the same way that I had been using food: as a way to numb myself. As a distraction from real life. As a way to escape. So I decided it was time for a change. 

Elevator Time!

For two days, I stayed away from my computer, unless Liam was asleep. Let's just say, this did not a happy Mama make. Or a happy child, for that matter. I was crabby. I was irritable. I wanted to run away. It all felt like too much. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I was going through a withdrawal of sorts. I played in Liam's playroom for hours at a time. I played "elevator" until I thought my head would explode. I mean, how many times is a sane person expected to pretend that a set of drapes is an elevator?! Sure, I had more time to play with Liam, but I also lost my temper, which is not something I usually do. I was so irritable that I yelled at him when he followed me into the bathroom: "Can't I just get one minute to myself?!" And let's face it: the child has been following me into the bathroom since he learned to crawl almost two years ago, but this is the first time it's ever bothered me. I was definitely on edge. 

And you know what? I wasn't the only one. Liam was in rare form during those two days. It wasn't until a few days later, that I put two and two together, and realized he was a having a rough day because I was having a rough day. He was feeding off of my energy. We both agreed we were having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Just like Alexander.

I think this is where the problem lies: for all intents and purposes, I'm pretty much a single parent right now. My husband has a 60+ hour work week, which puts me in charge of pretty much everything at home: cleaning, laundry, dishes, diapers, catheters, meals, baths, bedtime, physical therapy, etc. You get the picture. And I'm fine with this; it's what works for our family right now. But on top of all that, I'm really isolated. I have no friends here in Kuwait. I can't even take Liam out for a walk here. So removing my computer time, my only source of social interaction (unless my husband is home) from the equation, just did not work for me. And it didn't work for Liam either.

So because I'm not able to break up these very LONG days taking care of Liam with things like playdates or phone calls with friends or even a nice walk to the park, I'm okay with using my computer during the day. But I think being conscious is key. I make it a point now to play with Liam for an hour, and then take a little computer time for myself. Or if I have to send a quick email, I let him sit with me and practice reading the words I'm typing, and then he gets to type an email to his Daddy. So far it seems to be working. I don't feel guilty about spending time on my computer, and the time I am spending seems to be more productive. I don't feel like I'm going to lose my mind either. I guess moderation really is key -- not only when it comes to oreos and moonpies, but computers as well.

 
Linking up with these fine ladies for another Finish The Sentence Friday. This week's sentence was: I have a bad habit of...
Janine: Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Kate: Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine?
Stephanie: Mommy, for Real
Kristi: Finding Ninee