I’ve turned into a Mom who yells -- a Mom who yells a lot. Get your hands outta the toilet. Get off my treadmill. Don’t bang on Daddy’s laptop. Stop. No. I said No! Do you want a time out? Five minutes ago I was locked in my bathroom, hyperventilating, with a toddler screaming on the other side of the door. This has become my daily shower routine, although the screaming begins with my first step on the treadmill. No such thing as a bad workout? Try running on a treadmill with a toddler screaming in your face. I finish being more stressed out than I was before I started. Laughter is the best medicine, you say? Well, Liam doesn’t allow laughing in this house. My husband and I have to watch The Daily Show in silence, or saying LOL aloud, while Liam shifts his head back and forth between us, monitoring our behavior.
I wrote those words at a moment of desperation. I didn’t know what else to do, and something in me said, pick up your laptop and write. So I did. Writing my frustrations down that day somehow made it easier to breathe. Thankfully, these days life is a little bit easier, but that could change at any moment, of course. That’s the thing about parenting: it is chock-full of ups and downs.
I wanted to start a blog to chronicle these ups and downs. The ups and downs of parenting, of raising a child with special needs, of marriage, of life in the middle east, of dieting (which is, by far, the hardest thing on this list), along with all the other typical ups and downs that everyday life brings. But I also wanted to start a blog for my Liam. I want to record these very important milestones he’s embarking upon – milestones he probably won’t remember. I want him to know just how far he’s come. I hope one day he’ll choose to tell his story as well.
Rather than waiting for this first entry to morph into the most brilliant thing I’ve ever written, I’m just going to press “Publish". I’m going to put my perfectionist tendencies aside (which usually lead me to procrastinate or simply not do something at all), and be brave. It’s far from perfect, but I’m going to do it anyway. You’ve got to start somewhere, right?
